If you want a good laugh these days it’s not necessary to
watch “Comedy Central,” “FOX News” or even an interview with Ted Nugent.
All you need do is spend about 10 minutes on an internet
Because it’s necessary to continually grab the viewer’s
attention, and the average Y Generation slug – their target audience - has the
attention span of a Bounty paper towel, these sites, whether they be AOL or MSN
or Bing or Bong or whatever brain candy that passes for a news service in this
day and age, find it necessary to change what they deem news about every 15
Considering the dubious source, every once in a great
while, believe it or not, there appears a link worth clicking on, for subjects
like devastating volcanoes, new national legislation being pondered or the
daily massacre by a firearm.
But the vast majority of the crapola that appears on
these sites is just that, garbage that even a J.P. Mascaro truck would drive
past. Things like the dating habits of reality-show skanks, the dating habits
of royal skanks and the dating habits of any skanks deemed famous come
immediately to mind. There are piles of cow dung in the middle of a 700-acre
spread in Wyoming that are more worthy of interest than the latest celebrity
“baby bump” and who’s boffing who and what the Kardashian family has to say
Admittedly, it’s rare, but every so often you come across
a nugget that makes the whole process worthwhile, one of those under the radar items
that are not only entertaining, but funnier than a Republican Party primary
For example, and even a jaded old coot like me wind up
pissing my pants over this stuff, there is some patron of the arts who decided
to spring for a replica statue of Michelangelo’s famous “David” statue and
place it in a park in the burg of Okuizumo, Japan.
Now, for those of you who actually consider the
reality-show skanks newsworthy, here’s a small history lesson – “David” is one
of the world’s great pieces of art, and I mean actual art, not to be confused
with the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. The problem, apparently, in the eyes
of the folks in ol’ Okuizumo is that “David” is a sculpture of a naked man with
his penis clearly and largely exposed.
Now, to the shock
of absolutely no one, the 15,000 residents of this tea leaf of a town are
requesting, nay, demanding that Davey find himself some underwear – and quickly.
Yepper, the folks of Japan, who once insisted Godzilla be
given an honorary Oscar and who happen to wake up in one of the world’s infamous
hubs of trashy porn so hardcore it would make Jenna Jameson lose her luscious
cookies, are insisting on finding a large pair of Fruit of the Looms to cover
up one of the world’s great artistic treasures.
I’m telling you, boys and girls, you can fry your brain
for hours and not make stuff like this up.
Here you are, blessed with the rare opportunity to see,
albeit a replica of, one of the great works of art ever created, and your first
inclination, the first chestnut of a thought in your mind, is to cover it up.
I guess these jugheads’ first reaction to the Hanging
Gardens of Babylon would be to trim them, then to shear off the tops of the
Pyramids for exceeding the town’s height ordinance, but not before insisting on crocheting a suitable shawl to
cover up the Mona Lisa’s cleavage.
It’s art, folks, not an artifact from the adult film
classic, “Field of Wet Dreams.”
The reason given by these pillars of the community for
dumping on a great piece of sculpture is that the subject of the statue has his
genitalia exposed, and not only is that against the law in Japan, this heinous
act is going to corrupt little Takahiro and Natsuki and all the other young ‘uns
Now, this is something that’s always baffled me about
self-proclaimed, puritanical do-gooders, no matter what neck of the woods they insist
on saving. I actually can understand being averse to the naked human form, if
said form or forms are entwined in an act of passion. They may result in
questions from five-year olds, who may not be mature enough to understand the
But the solitary human form?
How, may I ask, can the same parts of the human anatomy
that these precious little tykes see attached to themselves as they strip off
their jammies every morning be considered unwatchable?
If they are, then does that mean that their own bodies
are “dirty,” and not to be looked at?
And you wonder why there’s a skirt-grabbing pervert on
every street corner?
Meanwhile, back in Okuizumo, there’s a mad search underway
for oversized undergarments.
I wonder if anyone has thought of rummaging through
Godzilla’s cedar chest.