Saturday, May 3, 2014

Creation for Dummies

For being the self-proclaimed leaders of the free world, Americans sure are dumb.

And day-by-day they seem to be getting dummer and dummerer.

Ran across the results of an Associated Press-GfK poll (whatever the hell that is) in which Americans were asked to express their degree of confidence in certain statements.

Now, some of the statements were slam dunks, such as the one that proclaimed that smoking causes cancer. In those types of statements, the majority of the red, white and blue gang voted an overwhelming and resounding “Yes.”

But when it came to statements regarding what many would consider scientific fact, those descendants of George Washington and Betsy Ross suddenly turned into what too many Americans already are – bible-thumpin’, close-minded chuckleheads.

Despite virtually every scientific mind (without a political agenda) proclaiming that the world is going through a potentially cataclysmic climate change, caused by the trapping of man-made gases in the Earth’s atmosphere, one that could soon turn places like Nevada and Pennsylvania into beachfront property and Florida and New York City Harbor into modern-day replicas of the lost city of Atlantis, the astute minds of America would choose to believe that everything is just hunky dory.

 It’s just a coincidence, they insist, that an iceberg twice the size of the city of Atlanta is currently floating through the southern oceans toward the tip of South America with the potential to bollocks up the shipping lanes in that area (along with raising the water level). In fact, an average of four of 10 polled did not believe that the world is going through a climate change.

Now folks, no one ever accused yours truly of having even the slightest hint of a scientific mind. About the extent of my expertise in this area was knowing what science-genius classmate to sit next to during tests in high school chemistry. But it doesn’t take Mr. Wizard to figure out it must be a tad on the tropical side for a 270-square mile chunk of ice to break away from the frozen mass of an iceberg the size of Rhode Island.

So in this matter, I just might be inclined to vote for the guys and gals in the white coats that have enough protractors and stethoscopes to properly figure this stuff out.

But don’t you worry for a moment about these trivialities, the star-spangled masses say, no matter the dilemma, our biggest, bestest buddy God won’t allow anything bad to happen to us. What we’re experiencing is just a minor bump in the meteorological road, it’s merely a coincidence. Don’t you remember that summer back in 1975 when the same crazy things happened with the weather?

Which leads us to another statement in the poll that has to do with confidence in the statement that  Earth has evolved through natural selection, a process some have dubbed the Big Bang Theory.

This is one of my favorites because there are still a whole lotta reasonably intelligent folks who won’t let go of the Sunday School lesson that told us that God created the heavens and the earth and that it took six days. And on the seventh day God rested.

OK, so let’s get this straight – these zombies are willing to discount the idea that this planet and its countless number of species have become what they have become due to an intricate evolutionary process based on very specific survival needs, but instead choose to believe that a spiritual being bathed in white light flittered about with a magic wand creating grass, dirt and water all out of thin air, along with every living creature from antelope to zebra, without so much as batting an eye.

And then, although this spirit is supposedly All-Powerful, He or She or It had to rest for a full day.

Oh well, I guess that’s why it’s called faith.

In the poll, 51 percent of the participants questioned the Big Bang Theory; while I’m sure the other 49 percent was wondering why the places these lunkheads flock to for worship on the weekends aren’t paying their fair share in taxes.

In perhaps the biggest socks rocker since Sarah Palin couldn’t remember what magazines she reads, in those poll questions that dealt in taking the science explanation over the spiritual explanation, self-proclaimed Christians almost unanimously voted for the Big Guy in the Sky (if you could only see the look of shock on my face).

Try to understand this folks, your faith is admirable, even cute in a naïve kind of way. But the question that needs asked is why the scientific community would perpetuate these ideas if they had no merit?

They’re not getting brownie points for their findings. They’re not exempt from the Armageddon they’ve forecast just because they’ve discovered the possibility of it happening.

They’re in the same hellbound handbasket as the rest of us.

Plus, the vast majority of these learned people are the same God-fearin’ folk you sit next to in your house of worship.  They have no axes to grind, they’re not trying to convince the population that there is no supreme being. They’re just coming across the same types of life questions we all ask and finding answers the best way they know how.

And those answers point to what they see as a fact – if the people of the world continue figuratively pissing on the planet, we’re all headed up ol’ Fecal Creek.

If you choose to believe that the bearded guy in white pajamas is gonna save you, I wish you well.

But boy, are you dumb.