Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Two-Legged Right to Life

Ran across a story recently – one of those ever-popular internet-list fluff pieces that seem to pop up faster than zits on the face of a 15-year old pizza freak.

But instead of finding out the “20 Cheapest Colleges” or the “10 Best Places to Live East of Bangor, Maine,” the list was of the “100 Most Endangered Species.”

Now, keep in mind, I’m on record as proclaiming my affinity for non-humans over humans any day of the week. Yepper, if it comes down to pulling a possum or a person out from in front of a runaway school bus, I’m going to grab the potential victim with fur every time.

This bias in favor of the animal, plant and gill-bearing critters of the planet is absolute – with the exception of some, not all, family members – and comes complete with sound logic: Man, by his very nature, has a choice whether or not to be an asshole. And in almost case, man chooses to be an asshole. Other living creatures or plant life, are not equipped to make that choice. Their lone motivation is to exist. And that’s what they’ll base their actions upon. They ain’t looking to be richer, prettier or more powerful than anything. All they want is to exist, or to make sure their young ones exist.

Period. The End.

The nature of the endangered list/story was not simply to present those species in jeopardy, but raised the question whether those species were worth saving. Because some of the threatened provided no economic value to man, there was, apparently, a large segment of the population perfectly willing to flush an entire species without so much as taking a second to ponder it.

Wow, let’s commit genocide, as long as it doesn’t make us late for our tee time.

Goodbye, see ya in the zoology books under “extinct.”

How’s that for self-serving  gall?

It doesn’t make us any richer, prettier or powerful, so it doesn’t matter if it exists?

This thought was expressed recently by that great protector of living things, Rick Santorum, who, when asked about drilling for oil in Alaska, proclaimed, in a nutshell, that man was not on this planet for nature, but that nature was here for man.

I might actually be moved to step on an endangered paramecium if it meant being first in line to flush that asswipe.

While we’re at it, we may as well start whacking all of those humans who provide no economic value to their fellow men.

Folks in jail? Put ‘em on a list and push the button.

Those afflicted with debilitating diseases? Add ‘em to the list, they actually remove money from the coffers, and then fire up the oven.

The poor? Geez, my mouth is watering. Somebody, quick, pull the switch

Flush ‘em all. Who cares about such trivialities as food chains, respect for the planet and the natural order of living things?

After all, that’s the criteria, isn’t it?

No gain for me, no life for you.

I believe we have a political platform here.

Quick, somebody alert Ricky boy.

Oh, that’s right, he believes that already. He probably has a priority list, and genocide is on it, right behind destroying condoms. We have a right to life, as long as that life is a human one.






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