Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Praise Common Sense ... and pass the Ammunition

For years I’ve told anyone who would listen (and their numbers are rapidly dwindling) that the only common sense left in the world is the amount I see in my paycheck every other week (common “cents” for those knotheads still scratching their noggins – and geez, folks, I can’t keep explaining these things).

There certainly is very little left anywhere else.

It used to be – and we’re not talking pre-Industrial Revolution here – that there was such a thing as folks who actually acknowledged that guns kill people, and that it might not be a bad idea to make guns and other weapons a little more difficult to obtain than, say, a gallon of milk.

These days?

Ho hum, 26 people, including 20 children, snuffed before their lives begin by some scumbag carrying (drum roll, please) shotguns.

Now, back when it existed, common sense would suggest that many of the people tucked away in body bags at an elementary school in Connecticut would be alive today if said ass wipe wouldn’t have been armed with deadly (are there any other kind?) weapons.

These days?

Oh, another tragedy? Just count up the bodies and ratings points and turn the channel, there’ll be another massacre coming up soon enough.

Anesthetized? Christ, we’re lobotomized. Every single person capable of producing even the smallest thought in their head has to know what guns do. That is their purpose, the reason they exist. Wouldn’t it be, ahem, common sense to make sure that as few people as possible had them in their possession?

Instead, you can bet your private parts the NRA and all those other Ted Nugent-type morons are circling the wagons, standing firm behind the second amendment, which when adopted in 1791 gave the militia the right to keep and bear arms, but since has been amended to allow even non-military personnel to pull triggers at their leisure.

Let’s again turn to our pal common sense to reconstruct how such an amendment would even exist.

Hmmm, let’s see, 1791? According to the wayback machine, that would be around the time the bulk of the general population resided in log cabins in the middle of nowhere (kind of like modern-day West Virginia). In order to do such mundane things as chopping firewood, picking a few berries or answering nature’s call, Mr. Colonial Settler had better be armed, lest he run afoul of Mr. and Mrs. Grizzly.

Gun. Protection. Living to see tomorrow sans bear or wolf claws up your ass.


Perhaps I don’t get out as often as I used to, but I can’t recall the last time I was confronted by a wild beast when I found it necessary to piss on a tree. Kinda expect most wild and woolies would have a whole lot more to do with their four-legged lives than terrorize some poor old white coot urinating in their woods.

Common sense, then, would suggest that most citizens in today’s world would not require slingshots let alone some of the arsenals full of assault weapons some jerk-offs find it necessary to store in their gun vaults.

I’m not a hunter and never will be, but I’m really not against the self-called sportsmen who can’t get a full erection until hunting season rolls around. I’d prefer to appreciate the beauty of nature rather than blow off its head, but that’s just how us pansy liberals are.

I do, however, think it’s common sense that if someone comes into a store to purchase an instrument that can end a life with a simple finger movement, it might not be a bad idea to do an extensive check on that potential buyer, and perhaps make them wait a while before handing them an Uzi. In other words, make it difficult to become a gun owner. In some states it’s harder to vote than it is to be a gun owner, right Mr. Kasich?

But for a lot of reasons that’s not what happens these days. Instead, in the aftermath of the tragedy in Connecticut there will be just as many people screaming for fewer gun restrictions as there will be for tighter ones – even with 20 not-yet-cold kids lying in the ground.

So stay tuned, folks. There’ll be more mass murders, more homes, schools and movie theaters shot full of holes to come. Guns are made for one purpose. And whether it’s justified, self-defense or just some wackadoo who didn’t get enough momma’s milk wielding a weapon, more innocents are going to be dead.

That’s a fact.

And common sense would suggest that CNN, MSNBC and all the others can’t wait.





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