Friday, February 22, 2013

Perks, Pay Cuts and Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi is a horse’s ass and example No. 2,627,188 of why the rich should be individually flogged at least twice a month.

Here we are, the general public, the great unwashed, the scratching post for those One-Percenters who believe with every fiber of their beings that having 281 billion dollars is preferable to having 280 billion and would happily squash some Mom and Pop store to add on that extra billion, and we’re about to become poorer.

Yeah, I know, stop the presses, the poor are getting dumped on again – please pinch me so I can awaken from this mind-numbing, once-in-a-lifetime event.

But you know what campers, this time we’re not sliding down Excrement Alley solo.

This time we’re going to have company.

Yep, if sequestration rears its ugly head in our general direction, and we seem to be flying toward it faster than Daddy Warbucks can recite the account number of his Swiss bank account, we’re all going to feel the pinch – even, and wait for it, we may never see this phrase again in our lifetimes - the rich are going to suffer, too.

Keep in mind, we’re talking about people who tip bellhops the amount of cash most of us would nail our tongues to the table for, but yes, some of their incomes will be negatively altered.

This brings us back to Ms. Pelosi.

But first, a brief Mouseketeer Roll Call.

Pelosi is the House Minority Leader, who, like most government officials couldn’t spell “Poor” if you spotted her the “P” and the “O.” Good ol’ helpful ,down-to-earth, just-plain-folk Nance got wind of this sequester thing and was aghast, at least as aghast as a rich government official with a real estate mogul for a husband can get.

Nance thinks this idea of trimming her $174,000 a year Congressional salary, along with the $174,000 salaries of all her fellow members of Congress, is just downright insulting.

“I don’t think we should do it,” Nance said while contemplating which house servant she might have to let go. “I think we should respect the work we do. I think it’s necessary for us to have the dignity of the job that we have rewarded.”

Now, I don’t know what a lot of that means, but it sounds to me as if Nance actually believes that on the human Respect-O-Meter, she and her Congressional cronies are head-and-shoulders above the folks she purports to represent. They are better than us.

In other words, we should agree that we couldn’t survive without their wisdom and leadership and we should be genuflecting with our noses in the general vicinity of their southern-most orifice.

How dare her hallowed position be insulted by the thought of lowering the numbers on her paycheck.

Now, forget for a minute that $174,000 is four or five times more than the average American makes in a year, and let’s just focus on what perks Congressional members are entitled to just because they’re Congressional members.

Let’s start with the most comprehensive healthcare program imaginable, 75 percent of which is paid by us scratching posts. Their government pension? It’s better than any pension you can find on the planet, and we pay 80 percent of that.

Life insurance? It’s so good you probably get paid if you and your family stay in perfect health - and we foot the bill for one third of that.

Oh yeah, they get to travel anywhere and everywhere in the world when they so desire – and they do so free of charge (of course it’s not free for us post-scratchin’ taxpayers).

Cost of living raises, you know those things that haven’t existed for the working man since Hope and Crosby were making road pictures, members of Congress get ‘em religiously, every first of the year. And none of this graft even includes the sporadic windfalls from lobbyists and special interest groups with which they line their collective pockets on a regular basis.

Essentially, hundreds of millions of dollars go into the federal budget every year just to pay for congressional perks – all for a collection of dickheads who can’t agree on what year of merlot to sip with lunch, let alone anything that might make life better for the working American.

Their behavior follows the Rich Person Playbook to the letter – get rich and make sure no one else gets richer but you.

Our Gal Nance is at the head of the line when it comes to Rich Person etiquette. She’d just as soon vote herself a pay raise as do something productive for us minions.

And by her figurin’  we should be grateful she’s alive and looking out for our best interests.

How dare she have to take a pay cut.







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